Jan 13, 2009

How to make a new boob

So my mama dos (my best friends mom) had breast cancer last year. They took her boob off and then gave her a tummy tuck and used that skin and fat to make her a new boob. First of all the plastic surgeon... o my goodness he's gorgeous! I mean model hot!! And nice, and friendly, and makes alot of money. Hmmm the daydreams you could have about that man. Well until you realize he's gay so there really isn't any hope unless I magically spout a penis. Anyways, so they did mama dos tummy tuck and made her a new boob. When she went in she wrote on her good boob "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing to the breast they were suppose to operate on. She just didn't want to get them all confused and have them take off the wrong breast because she doesn't have enough fat for 2 tummy tucks. Well it made the entire operating room burst out laughing when they took her gown off. Anyways, we went 3 weeks ago to have her areola tattooed on and seriously made the tattoo guy blush. Who would have known asking to have an areola put onto your body would make someone who pierces vagina's blush. Anyways, tomorrow she goes to have her new nipple inserted. Yep, you read that correctly. They make prostetic nipples. Who would have konwn! I asked her if she could get me it's mate because they should sell them in pairs right? She smacked me upside the back of my head!

Therapy bills will soon follow

My kid says some off the wall things, but this time I felt so bad for the little guy. I wonder just how much this incident will cost him in therapy.

The worm: Mommy when I'm a daddy. . . . as he trails off saying something about not making his kids eat veggies

Me: What did you say babe

The worm: When I'm a daddy

Me: cutting him off.... babe you have to first grow up and get big, then you will need to finish college and then find a girl and get married before you can be a daddy

The worm: Mommy will you help me find a girl?

Me: Honey that is something every man has to do for himself.

The worm: Bursting into tears But mommy if I go to find a girl what if I can't find my way back home again? I would be lost.

Me: O my goodness what have I done? I just broke my poor babies little heart!

Seriously my little guy thinks that he will have to wander the city to find himself a girl in order to be a daddy and that he won't ever find his way back home to me. I want to cry with him!