Jan 4, 2009


Wouldn't it be nice if someone just showed you the right direction to go in life. I thought I had things figured out 5 years ago. I was with what I thought was a great guy, we were saving money to buy a house, I was going to school to do medical billing and shortly after starting I found out I was pregnant. Who could ask for more right? Then I had to drop out of school for a semester because the morning sickness was so bad, I got my degree in medical billing only to not be able to find a decent job. I finally found a job and we purchased a house. Married couple and child living in a home, the American dream right? Until my ex went nuts and stopped taking his medications, I kicked him out and realized that I can't do it on my own. I look into better billing jobs only to find out that doctors in my area have heard of this wonderful thing called outsourcing. My job and many others were shipped overseas to the lowest bidder. The best I could hope to make was $10 per hour which doesn't pay the bills. When I started school I looked at the average wage and it was double what I could make now plus I had my husband to help.

So life starts over, only this time with a mortgage, a child and an ex that is totally un-supportive in every way shape and form. He visits 1 weekend a month, well that is what he's ordered to do that doesn't always happen. He doesn't pay child support regularly at all and he constantly picks fights over stupid things. I decided to go back to school with the support of my wonderful parents. They offered to help with some expenses so I could go back to school. Now I'm finding that what I thought I wanted to do doesn't pay as much as I need, the jobs are hard to find and in order to do any good you have to have your masters which is way too much schooling for someone who can't make it now.

I really wish someone could pop down and say "you need to go to school for this job, live in x place (hopefully this person would tell me my home because I love it and have been working so hard to not loose it), and do x changes in your life". I just want to be happy.... I'm happy with my child, my friends, my family, but when it comes to other life things I'm clueless!! I need a JOB!!!! A job that can support me and my son not relying on any kind of child support. A job that I am happy doing and don't dread going to work. A job that doesn't take too much training and schooling. I'm looking at becoming a radological technician (x-ray tech) because it's half the schooling as social work with basically the same pay. I could always go back to school for social work after I get that degree and have a job that doesn't require me to lean on my parents. God love them for helping, but I feel like the biggest looser on the planet!!! Mom, dad, can I have some money to pay my electric bill? Who does that? Also, pretty please can someone just tell me if the next guy I might go out with is a looser before I waste my time!!

In short... I want to be a grown up already!!