I just got a call from my former foster daughter. My heart hurts so unbelievably bad right now!
Background: She is 4 days younger than my bio son and if I could I would adopt her in a heartbeat. She was moved from my home with her sister because they must keep siblings together at all costs so they could keep their sibling bond. Nevermind that the older sister was hurting my sweet baby and that she was more bonded to me and my son than her sister and her sister is incapable of bonding with anyone. So she was moved, then they split up the siblings because her sister hurt her in a way that children's services couldn't deny the abuse. The my poor baby was moved with an aunt who lost custody of her and again she went to another foster home and moved again with her bio dad until bio dad's new wife decided she didn't like her and she entered back into foster care. So if your counting from my home she was moved 5 times from the time she left my home in 6 short months! My poor baby wants nothing more than to come back and home and I want nothing more than for this to happen also. I've had several placements and none of them have touched my heart like this one. It was like she was meant to be here. Well the state of Michigan won't cooperate and let her move back here with me. She was adopted last year by very loving people. People who were willing to give her up if it meant her coming back here with me because they too could see that is where she belonged. In the end I begged them to keep her because there was no way I could let my baby be moved to yet another family and I knew these people were good people and love her very much and that the stupid state wouldn't allow her to come back here where she belongs.
I just got a phone call from my sweet baby. It was such a simple sentence, but one that hit me in the stomach like a sucker punch. "Mommy when can I come back home?" What do I tell this child who is only 4 years old about the situation she is in. How do you tell her that her adoptive parents love her very much, that I love her also, but that the system designed to protect her won't allow her to come back home because I don't live in their state and aren't one of their foster homes. How to I explain to her the injustice she has suffered? If dfs had just allowed her to stay with me to begin with when her sister was just starting to hurt her that her skull wouldn't have been fractured, that I would have been able to fight her being moved to her aunts house, that I would have been able petition for adoption and she wouldn't have had to move 5 more times to finally be adopted by parents who while they are awesome and I couldn't ask for anything more just don't feel like her parents.
My heart hurts so bad, the tears are flowing and it literally feels like someone has kidnapped my child. Her adoptive parents know how she feels, they wish she was here but know it can't happen and listened to my pleads that they keep her and adopt. They adopted knowing that this child doesn't belong with them. They adopted knowing that I'm her mommy and that she is very bonded to me. They adopted after I pleaded with them to please keep her, love her, make sure she is safe, provide her medical care and understand that this system is broken. That conversation was so unbelieably hard for me, but I knew it was the best solution to the problem. I was so teriffied that if they didn't adopt she could hit yet another home, and perhaps I wouldn't have any contact with her after that. These people adopted a child who doesn't want to be with them because she knows where home is. Yes she calls them mommy and daddy, she thankfully doesn't have full blown RAD, but she does have some expected attachment issues. I have no idea how this family handles when she asks to call her mommy. I don't know how they handle when I see her and she stops calling her mom mommy and starts using her first name when I'm around. I don't know how they handle seeing the bond with me and yet still love her so much. I truly couldn't ask for better parents for her, they love her so fully and unconditionally, but I know it pains her mom to know that her child just doesn't really belong with her. Her mom has told me so many times how she belongs here with me, how she can see it and she feels like no matter what this will always be the case. I hurt for them, I hurt for my baby, and I hurt for all of the other kids in the system who have endured the same thing!
Thank you S for keeping my baby safe! Thank you for loving her so fully, thank you for giving her permenancy, thank you for allowing me to talk to her and see her, thank you for every hug you give her, thank you for every kiss on her forehead and for every "I love you", thank you for being my babies mommy. There are no words that can describe the gratitude I feel for you and your husband for taking my baby and loving her so fully. She will always be my baby, I will always be her mommy, but you are also her mommy. I hope one day she realizes how much she is loved, I hope one day she realizes how lucky she is to have you and your husband, how wonderful you are and what a great life she has because of you!